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Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Pirates of Somalia (as Opposed to the Carribbean)

Posted on 14:30 by Unknown
Besides terrorism, piracy is making a come-back.

This time, they went 180 miles offshore and captured a Saudi super oil tanker!

Somalia is a failed state and now there are "pirate ports".

Like "Ye Pirates of Olde", they use grappling hooks.

Otherwise, they use AK-47's and rocket launchers, instead of swords and muskets.
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Posted in Law | No comments

Monday, 17 November 2008

New Stock Market Terms

Posted on 12:52 by Unknown

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

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Posted in Personal Finance | No comments

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Palin, Africa, and Her Wardrobe

Posted on 10:26 by Unknown
It looks like McCain aides are complaining about her even more - now that the election is over.

They say she didn't even know Africa was a continent, and she might have spent more than $150,000 in donor money on designer clothes.  It looks like she also pressured underlings to put clothes on their credit cards, and she might get audited now by the Republican Committee's lawyers.
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Posted in Government, Politics | No comments

Yet Another Use For Duct Tape...

Posted on 07:29 by Unknown
...it was used to restrain an unruly (and probably drunk) woman on a United flight.

The flight was supposed to be from Puerto Rico to Chicago, but got diverted to North Carolina so she could be removed from the flight.
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Posted in Humor | No comments
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      • Pirates of Somalia (as Opposed to the Carribbean)
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      • Yet Another Use For Duct Tape...
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